Tuesday, November 25, 2008
♥ What If..
Lilliane did the same her daily routine after waking up. Her bus arrived and she grabbed her book then rode her school bus.
She walked through the school hallway and then dropped her bag then began reading her book. No classmate of hers was staying there at that time-- as far as she knows. She wasn't wearing her glasses and everything was blurry for her. Then later on, Chester arrived "Hey Chester, why did you go offline last night? I was.. about to send you the scanned documents." asked Lilliane. "There was a problem with the Internet connection." explained Chester. "Oh, well.. were you able to answer the assignment then?" Lilliane asked again. "No" replied Chester.
Lilliane then offered her notes.
Era came then sat between them, then Lilliane started to notice that her other classmates were just nearby. Then Patrick came "You're not yet done reading that? C'mon, I could finish that in a day." He told Lilliane, bragging.
The bell rang, time for music. They studied the piano. The teacher taught them a song and asked them to practice for the practical test the next meeting. Lilliane's hands ached because of the big distance the keys had in her dummy keyboard. The class ended.
Next was English. Their teacher Sir Ferdinand came and asked for their homeworks. He read some compositions then they discussed the short story "The Dead Stars"
The story is about a guy who was engaged yet fell in love with another woman. The woman felt the same for him, though he chose his fiancee for his image's sake. 4 years passed and he saw Julia-- the woman he fell for. He felt sad after seeing her. She was different, not the same woman he met.
"Class, what do you think he felt living those four years with Esperanza and not Julia?" asked Sir Ferdinand.
"Miserable" a student answered.
"What do you think is the question he kept on asking himself in those four year?" followed up the teacher.
"What if-" Lilliane answered, cut off-mid sentence.
"Correct"
Sir Ferdinand asked them to write their own what ifs. Specifically 3.
Lilliane's what ifs..
1.) What if I didn't trust HER?
2.) What if I was an only child?
3.) ___________________??
The third is something she wanted to keep, though in the end, she shared it with Jaythe and Taylor. They were both shocked reading her confession. The thing that made Lilliane cry was Andrea's what if. They comforted her but when the teacher asked her Lilliane saw a tear fall from her eye.
What if, is a question that Lilliane says or thinks about everyday. Regret causes this question to be asked. Envy as well. When people makes a wrong decision and regrets that, they tend to be jealous of the people they see. The people who are happy. They ask themselves "What if I didn't do this or that, would I be happy just like that person?" That is for things people do. What about loving people? We usually ask "What if I chose him/ her over him/ her?", "What if I never let go of him/ her?", "What if I didn't hurt him/ her?"
Pain. That causes us to regret things. When people feel pain, we would always want to find a way out, an escape. Pain is part of our lives, that's true but who would want to suffer? No one. Some people get through it but some people don't. Some breaks down and give up in life, they try killing themselves thinking that when they die they won't feel the pain anymore. One pain, one instant escape. No wonder there are many EMO people. The suicidal thing. I guess, they do that to forget things, their problems and all, because once they see the blood they won't mind anything else besides the pain or just the red liquid dripping from their wrist. Maybe, they do that to escape the pressure, the world that is filled with suffering waiting for them. That's simply it, an ESCAPE. Sure people could turn to their friends but besides sharing your problem what could they actually do? Or what if you don't have a friend to turn to at that moment when you can't bear the pain anymore? When you're alone, who would be there to catch you from your fall? During that time of weakness?
What if, how many times do we say or even think about it in a day? Often. But how many times do we get to have the chance to know the answer to that question? Rarely. We don't usually have second chances in life, but if we do, treasure it. Make the most out of it. We can't change what we've done but we could at least do something new to change the past. Something good to change the bad. Something happy to change the sad past. Live that second chance to not regret it in the future.
Lilliane has her own regrets, trusting a person. Being weak and more. She had experienced gaining second chances, she couldn't actually say that she's lived it very well but she was happy. It's true she experienced pain in between that time of happiness but people were there to catch her. She has regrets, about friends, family, school and more.
Friends: "What if this group didn't fall apart? What if I stayed being best friends with Taylor when I was in grade 5? What if I didn't experience the issue with Regina, would I be with Sloanne? Being with her is so much better than being with Regina but I was also happy before. Would I be as happy as I am with the times I spent with Sloanne if I was still with Regina? "
Family: "What if I was an only child? Would I envy my sisters? Would I still be the one to blame? What if I was spending my childhood with my parents? What if they never went away? What if my age wasn't that far from my sisters'? Would they understand me better? Would my sisters and I get along better?"
School: "What if I studied harder, would my parents be happy if I get an honor? Would they think it's enough or would they ask for more?"
Lilliane's head was filled with what ifs during the subject.
It was recess. Lilliane ate with Sloanne and talked about Sloanne's frustrations. Nate came to their table and then he talked to Lilliane about the anniversary.
Recess ended, it was Science. They studied conversions then they had an activity. Then it was Math time. They studied factoring. They checked the homework. Then it was Lunch.
Lilliane ate with Sloanne, Nikki, Jaythe and Laura, Trisha, Anne joined as well. It was fun at least having more people. They went to the Library since Lilliane needed to return something. Then it ended with them joining a contest. Then they went to the cafeteria. Lilliane and the others bought fries except Laura. They chatted then they changed locations. Lilliane talked to Trisha about her worries. Then Lunch ended.
It was still Math time, they continued their topic about Factoring then they had homeworks.
Next was Religion. Sir Demetri asked them to have a count-off. Lilliane had 5 so she was part of group 5. She was the one assigned to use the blindfold. She was partnered with Lisa. Lisa directed her through the venue her hands got dirty trying to find the puzzle pieces. Lisa told Lilliane "By the way, the one you bumped into a while ago when you asked who's this.. was Terrence." They were the first pair to finish but Sloanne and Anne were the last to finish. The truth is they didn't finish. One puzzle piece was missing.
The whole class searched for it but the teacher got mad or irritated or disappointed or frustrated about it. The class finished but the puzzle piece was still missing. Chester asked their next teacher to be excuse to look for it. They were able to find it though they had a hard time. The class was relieved, they couldn't let another teacher give up or get mad at them.
The class finished. Lilliane was about to pay for the documentation when she noticed that Terrence was gone. She went out of the room and called "Terrence!" he looked back at her then "Here's the payment for Math" he opened his palm and Lilliane gave the money to him. She didn't actually want to let go of the money so that he wouldn't leave. But she had to. She turned back and so did he but she looked back at him, watched him go.
Lilliane and the others left as well. Then Lilliane came to her school bus. Then went home.
She walked through the school hallway and then dropped her bag then began reading her book. No classmate of hers was staying there at that time-- as far as she knows. She wasn't wearing her glasses and everything was blurry for her. Then later on, Chester arrived "Hey Chester, why did you go offline last night? I was.. about to send you the scanned documents." asked Lilliane. "There was a problem with the Internet connection." explained Chester. "Oh, well.. were you able to answer the assignment then?" Lilliane asked again. "No" replied Chester.
Lilliane then offered her notes.
Era came then sat between them, then Lilliane started to notice that her other classmates were just nearby. Then Patrick came "You're not yet done reading that? C'mon, I could finish that in a day." He told Lilliane, bragging.
The bell rang, time for music. They studied the piano. The teacher taught them a song and asked them to practice for the practical test the next meeting. Lilliane's hands ached because of the big distance the keys had in her dummy keyboard. The class ended.
Next was English. Their teacher Sir Ferdinand came and asked for their homeworks. He read some compositions then they discussed the short story "The Dead Stars"
The story is about a guy who was engaged yet fell in love with another woman. The woman felt the same for him, though he chose his fiancee for his image's sake. 4 years passed and he saw Julia-- the woman he fell for. He felt sad after seeing her. She was different, not the same woman he met.
"Class, what do you think he felt living those four years with Esperanza and not Julia?" asked Sir Ferdinand.
"Miserable" a student answered.
"What do you think is the question he kept on asking himself in those four year?" followed up the teacher.
"What if-" Lilliane answered, cut off-mid sentence.
"Correct"
Sir Ferdinand asked them to write their own what ifs. Specifically 3.
Lilliane's what ifs..
1.) What if I didn't trust HER?
2.) What if I was an only child?
3.) ___________________??
The third is something she wanted to keep, though in the end, she shared it with Jaythe and Taylor. They were both shocked reading her confession. The thing that made Lilliane cry was Andrea's what if. They comforted her but when the teacher asked her Lilliane saw a tear fall from her eye.
What if, is a question that Lilliane says or thinks about everyday. Regret causes this question to be asked. Envy as well. When people makes a wrong decision and regrets that, they tend to be jealous of the people they see. The people who are happy. They ask themselves "What if I didn't do this or that, would I be happy just like that person?" That is for things people do. What about loving people? We usually ask "What if I chose him/ her over him/ her?", "What if I never let go of him/ her?", "What if I didn't hurt him/ her?"
Pain. That causes us to regret things. When people feel pain, we would always want to find a way out, an escape. Pain is part of our lives, that's true but who would want to suffer? No one. Some people get through it but some people don't. Some breaks down and give up in life, they try killing themselves thinking that when they die they won't feel the pain anymore. One pain, one instant escape. No wonder there are many EMO people. The suicidal thing. I guess, they do that to forget things, their problems and all, because once they see the blood they won't mind anything else besides the pain or just the red liquid dripping from their wrist. Maybe, they do that to escape the pressure, the world that is filled with suffering waiting for them. That's simply it, an ESCAPE. Sure people could turn to their friends but besides sharing your problem what could they actually do? Or what if you don't have a friend to turn to at that moment when you can't bear the pain anymore? When you're alone, who would be there to catch you from your fall? During that time of weakness?
What if, how many times do we say or even think about it in a day? Often. But how many times do we get to have the chance to know the answer to that question? Rarely. We don't usually have second chances in life, but if we do, treasure it. Make the most out of it. We can't change what we've done but we could at least do something new to change the past. Something good to change the bad. Something happy to change the sad past. Live that second chance to not regret it in the future.
Lilliane has her own regrets, trusting a person. Being weak and more. She had experienced gaining second chances, she couldn't actually say that she's lived it very well but she was happy. It's true she experienced pain in between that time of happiness but people were there to catch her. She has regrets, about friends, family, school and more.
Friends: "What if this group didn't fall apart? What if I stayed being best friends with Taylor when I was in grade 5? What if I didn't experience the issue with Regina, would I be with Sloanne? Being with her is so much better than being with Regina but I was also happy before. Would I be as happy as I am with the times I spent with Sloanne if I was still with Regina? "
Family: "What if I was an only child? Would I envy my sisters? Would I still be the one to blame? What if I was spending my childhood with my parents? What if they never went away? What if my age wasn't that far from my sisters'? Would they understand me better? Would my sisters and I get along better?"
School: "What if I studied harder, would my parents be happy if I get an honor? Would they think it's enough or would they ask for more?"
Lilliane's head was filled with what ifs during the subject.
It was recess. Lilliane ate with Sloanne and talked about Sloanne's frustrations. Nate came to their table and then he talked to Lilliane about the anniversary.
Recess ended, it was Science. They studied conversions then they had an activity. Then it was Math time. They studied factoring. They checked the homework. Then it was Lunch.
Lilliane ate with Sloanne, Nikki, Jaythe and Laura, Trisha, Anne joined as well. It was fun at least having more people. They went to the Library since Lilliane needed to return something. Then it ended with them joining a contest. Then they went to the cafeteria. Lilliane and the others bought fries except Laura. They chatted then they changed locations. Lilliane talked to Trisha about her worries. Then Lunch ended.
It was still Math time, they continued their topic about Factoring then they had homeworks.
Next was Religion. Sir Demetri asked them to have a count-off. Lilliane had 5 so she was part of group 5. She was the one assigned to use the blindfold. She was partnered with Lisa. Lisa directed her through the venue her hands got dirty trying to find the puzzle pieces. Lisa told Lilliane "By the way, the one you bumped into a while ago when you asked who's this.. was Terrence." They were the first pair to finish but Sloanne and Anne were the last to finish. The truth is they didn't finish. One puzzle piece was missing.
The whole class searched for it but the teacher got mad or irritated or disappointed or frustrated about it. The class finished but the puzzle piece was still missing. Chester asked their next teacher to be excuse to look for it. They were able to find it though they had a hard time. The class was relieved, they couldn't let another teacher give up or get mad at them.
The class finished. Lilliane was about to pay for the documentation when she noticed that Terrence was gone. She went out of the room and called "Terrence!" he looked back at her then "Here's the payment for Math" he opened his palm and Lilliane gave the money to him. She didn't actually want to let go of the money so that he wouldn't leave. But she had to. She turned back and so did he but she looked back at him, watched him go.
Lilliane and the others left as well. Then Lilliane came to her school bus. Then went home.
Labels: Envy, Pain, puzzle, Regret, Sir Demetri, Sir Ferdinand
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
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1:51 AM
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